Floyd the Barber

Bell on door ring; 'come on in' (Alt: Hello Cobain - come on in)
Floyd observes my hairy chin
Sit down in [the] chair, don't be afraid
Steamed hot towel on my face

I was shaved
I was shamed
I was shamed

Barney ties me to the chair
I can't see, I'm really scared
Floyd breathes hard, I hear the zip
Pee-Pee pressed against my lips (Alt: Beat me, pressed against my lips)

I was shamed
I was shaved
I was shamed

I sense others in the room
Opie, Aunt Bea, I presume
They take turns, they cut me up (Alt: They take turns to cut me up)
I died smothered in Andy's Clutch (Alt: I died smothered in Aunt Bea's muff)

I was shamed
I was shamed
I was shaved